I’ve been here before…

You know this feeling right? Not that deja vu feeling like you have had this EXACT same experience before as if in a dream…but rather that sinking feeling that instead of taking one step forward, you have taken two steps back! And are falling right back into old habits that you already know don’t serve you. Frustrating. And so easy to turn to beating yourself up about being in this place…AGAIN!

We can be incredibly impatient with ourselves, and incredibly hard on ourselves in these situations. We think that we are machines –  like computers that process a problem or task once  – complete it and then move on – completely done with it. But we’re human and we don’t work that way. We can dress a wound – physical or emotional –  care for it, “heal” it, so it looks clean, fixed and back to new, and it may just seem perfect for a while. And then it may start to “act up” again. Something may trigger the same pain, reaction, emotion. It’s the scar of that same old wound seemingly coming back to haunt us.

Or so it seems. How about another perspective? What if this “relapse” is actually a big step forward? What if it is not the past coming back to haunt us, but is instead the heart of it all healing just a little bit more? Maybe we can only process so much healing around some deeper wounds at one time, and so then we must process, move on and then come back and heal more? And in these moments where we think we are slipping backwards, we are instead taking another step out of the grasp and mire? Amazing! Suddenly, what seemed like a step back, is truly a step forward. This actually makes me smile – and makes these moments a little more manageable to me – a little less gray and dark. A little more bright, positive, and full of potential and progress…

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